Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
