Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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