You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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