Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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