She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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