at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
