Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
