So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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