I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
