Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
