Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
