you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
