hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
