Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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