I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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