Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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