Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
