I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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