I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
