Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
