dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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