there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Welp...herpes.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
