You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
