woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
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I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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