i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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