if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
