Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
