He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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