who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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