You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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