CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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