Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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