He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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