His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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