ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hippo gnu deer
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
