Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
