For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
