we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
