My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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