you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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