he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You should frame my arrest warrant.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
