Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize