I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
