Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
