How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
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just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize