I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
