shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
