I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
