My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Damn victory sex feels great
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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