If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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