Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
