fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
