I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
