Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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