do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is Oprah even human
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
