i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
