you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
