you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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