Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
