we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
