i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
