So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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