highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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