Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
