whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
