if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
