btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
