So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
