Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It's Friday. Sex?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
