you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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