the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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