I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
