ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
