When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
