he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
