You're my little dorito
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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