i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
