my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
there is glitter all over my balls
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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