You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
