He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
