So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
