I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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